


Where is the live in alive?

by mollieme309



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Insanity, Multi, Self Harm, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 02:03:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/907578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieme309/pseuds/mollieme309
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honey-blonde, 16 yearold, Sollux Captor has been dealing with voices in his  head since age 12. The voices have finally pushed the boy to his limits and he attempts suicide. Little does he actually realize that one attempt leads to. Shame, heartbreak, a new 'home', and a new lover. Scared and lonely, Sollux tries to take his life back and go home. But, does he really want to after meeting a girl his age?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where is the live in alive?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, anybody reading this! This is my first story that is actually going to have chapters, so I'm going to try and update every other night or so. However, if anybody requests it be updated quicker, or if it gets more popular, than I'll probably update every night. Whatever. Anywho, I'm actually rather excited to see how this turns out. Why, you may ask? Well, it's my first 'Sadstuck' story I'm actually publishing. I hope you guys enjoy this! PS. There probably will be some OOC between characters, as the actual comic does not depict how the characters would act in these situations. Atleast, not entirely

Shaky hands reached for something, anything. Where was that dammed thing at? It was bad enough he couldn't find any rope, and now he couldn't find that slim piece of metallic relief. Sollux stood up from the tub, his usual destination of self harm. The voices had finally gone too far with this one. He took a deep breath and glanced around before actually leaving the room. Was it in his room? Had he left it outside? His shirt barely hung onto his frame, just a walking skeletal system. He used to be a rather 'happy' boy, well; actually, he wasn't ever happy really. And if he was, it didn't last too long. It was a shame; this boy could have done great things one day. 'You're a selfish bastard, Sollux. That's all you ever have been. You're running again, away from your problems.' Sollux gritted his teeth, trying to hide what his mind was telling him. To no avail, however, they kept announcing themselves through his internal and external screaming. 'You can't run away from yourself, Sollux. You know I'm right. About everything I say.' Tears formed in the corners of his eyes as he thought about it. He was selfish. He was running. Running from something that couldn't be hidden from. He was shaking, trembling in his spot as he looked around. Just a cut, one little mark wouldn't be noticed in the abundance of self pity sprawled across his thighs, right? Right? The hair raised on the back of his neck as the door opened and shut, Mituna was home. 'You selfish prick! You're really going to take your life when your brother is home? You know how badly that will hurt him. You know it will make him think it's his fault. That’s why you're doing it, isn't it? Aha, of course it is. Nobody loves you, the only reason he'd be upset is because of his fucking brain injury. Hell, you don't even love yourself. Useless sack of shit.' There was a burst of loud cackled laughter as Sollux finally found what he was looking for. Kicking the door shut with his foot, he fell onto the ground. Once he got his belt off and his pants at his ankles, he dragged the pocket knife over his thighs, criss-crossing old scars. A startled yelp emitted from his lips as he sobbed. Fuck it hurt. It was only what he deserved though, right? You heard the voice, nobody loves him, he's selfish. Selfish and cruel. A coward, wasting precious oxygen.  
He never actually considered drug over dosage a possibility, until he saw his book bag laying beside him, its contents scattered throughout the room. He could easily OD on something. He searched through the labels, got to be something. Fuck it, just take them all. He dumped a few bottles into his palm, grabbing the water bottle from his bag that he kept for taking his pills throughout the day. Quickly dropping them in his mouth and swallowing just as fast, he was soon fact down on the floor, drifting in and out of consciousness. "You win...”Sollux mumbled to himself as he curled up, holding a bottle in his hand and to his chest. Just a bit more. He slowly reached out, what pill was this? An antidepressant from what it looked like. He popped it into his mouth before his eyes rolled back a bit. Fuck.  
‘You really did yourself in this time, Sollux....’ The voice was substantially softer, as if it knew it was losing the only person it had to taunt and terrorize. 

“Yeah, I know...”  
A loud bang sounded before a familiar face looked down in terror towards his friend. Oh no. He had expected Mituna to be there. Mituna wouldn’t know how to handle a situation like this. Well, actually, by the looks of it, neither did Karkat. “Oh God, oh God. No, Sollux, what did you do? Oh my god.” Karkat froze, taking in the scene in front of him. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Wait! He seen this in a movie once, er, a show. He seen it in a show called American Horror Story, the daughter, Violet, was that her name? Yeah. Well, she had tried to overdose on pills to commit suicide, too, but a ghost, Tate, had made her throw them up. It didn’t work in the show because Tate took too long, but Sollux was still awake. Can’t lose hope. He stumbled over the scattered bottles going to sit in front of the boy. He lifted him up slightly, practically shoving his finger in Sollux’s throat as he prodded around a bit. 

Sollux was puking up the little bit of contents in next to no time, as his throat was sensitive to constantly making himself throw up. Yet, another thing the voices had taunted him into. He was such a fucking pathetic weakling, and even he knew that. He thrashed around a bit, was he having a seizure? God, Karkat didn’t even know anymore. He looked around frantically, gasping when he saw his friend’s legs. His hands shot up over his mouth to muffle a scream. His new cuts were /still/ bleeding. Did it work? Did he save his friend? Oh god, please. The boy in his lap was still coughing, trying to regain control of his body. After a moment his frail frame calmed, his heterchromic eyes focusing on one thing and one thing only. Karkat. He was mad, angry even. How—why would you do such a thing? Especially for him. Sure, they were friends, but give it a few months. He guaranteed that no one would remember him in a few months. Not Feferi, not Karkat. Not Terezi, or any of them. He was worthless. W-O-R-T-H-L-E-S-S. Why couldn’t people understand what he thought? He wanted to reach up and smack him, or yell a nasty insult, but his energy was drained. His stomach muscles clenched and unclenched themselves in painful cramps. His legs still stung quite a bit as well. He was a mess, a bag of bones with little rips and tears. Maybe he should have cut vertically? They can’t stitch those, you know.. Well, it wasn’t exactly that they couldn’t stitch it, unless they wanted to stitch a cold corpse. Vertical cuts don’t allow the blood to clot and it just pours out, so you’d have bled out before you arrived at the ER. Or, in this case, before your friend could get to you.  
Sollux sat up, it was hard for him to breath, like a lung had collapsed. He gripped at his head, trying to get the pounding to stop. There’s an idea. He could bash his skull in, or smash it in the door. Was it sad he was grinning at the thought? Damn, he was selfish. Karkat went out of his way to save his pathetic-as-fuck life, and how he repays him is being angry and contemplating suicide again? Nice going, Captor.  
“..Why?”  
“What what?”  
“Why did you do it?”  
“Do what?”  
“You know what.”  
Sollux licked at his lips as he tried to figure out a decent way to answer the question without looking like a total buffoon. He chewed on the corner of his bottom lip, his teeth cutting in gently. “I don’t know.. The voitheth told me to do it..” Whenever he was upset, he let himself lisp. A clear indication he was upset. Obviously. “Why did you thave me?”  
“What? Why wouldn’t I? You’re my best friend, Sollux.”  
“Don’t give me that bullshit.”  
“What are you even talking about, stop being such an asshole, Sollux! “  
Sollux swallowed roughly, glancing back at him. “Get out.” His voice was a soft whisper, warning him.  
“Huh?”  
“I thaid get out.” The honey blonde boy repeated, turning around.  
“Sollux, I’m not leaving you here by your fucking self!”  
“Get. Out.” Sollux hissed, drawing his hand back. Karkat was beyond confused, but he left. He would never admit he ended up crying. Why did Sollux act like he hated him? That boy needed to go to a mental institution of some sort, or he was going to try it again. 

The voices didn’t talk to Sollux for the rest of the day, which was a great relief to him. Though, someone did talk to him. Karkat had contacted Sollux’s father, telling him everything that happened that day. He was only trying to help his friend, he didn’t want him to waste his life like that. Sollux had great things in store for him, and great things for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Right now, I'd like to give my wonderful friend and my amazing boyfriend, (To Hell with it, this is Homestuck. My moirail and my Matesprit.) a shot out. They are the reasons I'm even posting this. I hope Alex realizes right now, this was probably a bad decision on his part. As I /will/ make him read every chapter beforehand. (Probably not, but it's worth a shot, right?) But, yes, thank you, Alex and Kayleigh. Oh, I'd also like to mention that Alex came up with the title for me, which was really helpful. Anybody who has read my other stories should know that my titles aren't that great. Bye for now! I'll be updating every other night, or try to anyway. I might also update when I get inspiration. So, yeah.


End file.
